Step 5: Believe in something

Sailors tend to be a superstitious bunch in general.  Renaming a boat, having bananas aboard, leaving port on a Friday, red sky at night or in the morn - I'm confident an entire book could be written on the subject of sailors and their superstitions.  On this subject, I guess I fit right in.  Through the years I have developed a few of my own beliefs of which I'm sure many would chalk up to the "oddity" side of the spectrum.

If you ever run into me on the street, chances are I'll have my "lucky charms".  These objects have come to me during rough or challenging times, and somehow became part of my daily routine, carried on my person at all times.  Whether or not these objects actually contain any luck or power beyond their physical being is for you to debate - as a sailor myself, I swear by them.

My Chinese cookie fortunes have been with me for years now.  They have a permanent home in my wallet behind my credit card, and although they are starting to look a little worse for wear, they are still readable and their meaning still rings true for me to this day.  The first says "The greatest risk is not taking one".  One of my lifelong dreams was to own a home on the Raquette River in the northern Adirondack mountains of New York.  A home on the river was for sale that had all the qualities that would make it a great retirement property.  Unfortunately the price was out of reach.  We spoke with the owner, did a viewing with the Realtor, and tried to make the numbers work in every imaginable way but it just wasn't to be.  The following year, the house hadn't sold and the price was reduced.  Again we spoke with the owner and expressed interest, but again the numbers just didn't add up for us.  Summer passed, and so did our chance at the house we wanted so badly - or so we thought.  In the dead of winter I couldn't stop thinking of the house.  I kept wondering what might be if I just somehow took a stab at it.  One afternoon after nauseating my coworkers with "what-ifs" about this house, my lunchtime fortune had this phrase.  That week I tracked the owners down, and made the offer I could - the deal was struck.

Much like the "what-ifs" about the house, we have often second guessed our dreams of living aboard a boat in the Caribbean.  One particular day as I was contemplating the sanity of leaving a great paying job to chase sirens on the sea - I cracked a fortune cookie to read "Never fear!  The end of something marks the start of something new."  Case closed, it was a keeper - the dream and the fortune.

My poker chips have only been with me for about a year.  They reside in my left pocket - always.  I pull them out occasionally to flip between my fingers and help me think.  These are not just poker chips, but rather they are free-drink chips from The Beach Bar in Cruz Bay St. John.  In the fall we were preparing for our annual sailing charter in the Virgin Islands.  I was pushing my gym workout to new levels, dealing with extreme stress at work, and attempting to complete my ASA 104 Navigation & Piloting certification before we left.  I was stressed out, overworked, and depressed.  My wife Sharon, in an effort to pull me from my depression, ordered my favorite coffee (Spiced Butter Rum from St. John Spice), and these free drink chips from The Beach Bar.  When she gave me the package, I immediately put the chips in my pocket for some unknown reason and I would continue to carry them until our trip.  I passed my ASA 104 exam with those chips in my pocket - my left pocket.  When we finally reached St. John for our trip, I cashed the chips in for my "free" drinks.  Almost immediately I called the bartender back over, and informed him that I wanted to buy my 2 chips back.  Not 2 chips - but my two chips.  With a look of confusion, the bartender complied with my request, giving me that look that said "what is wrong with you?".  I gladly took my chips back, quickly explaining myself with - "Don't ask. It's a long story."

This necklace is a prized and precious possession, as well as a good luck charm.  It was worn daily by my dear late friend Zsolt, and after his passing it was given to me by his wife Patricia.  The fact that it was Zsolt's makes it invaluable to me, and I feel that it connects me with him even though he is no longer with us physically.  I wear it every day, you won't find me without it.  Besides the significance of being Zsolt's, the hook pendant also has meaning to those that believe.  It is believed that this hook keeps those who don it safe at sea.  Fitting, considering our aspirations.  Zsolt will be sailing with me.

Superstitious or not, sailor or not, I guess we all have to believe in something.  One of the challenges Sharon and I face is believing in ourselves, believing we can take a leap of faith and make our sailing dreams happen.  Chasing something new means leaving the safety of the harbor and venturing out into the unknown with faith that it will all work out in the end.  Overcoming that fear of the unknown, and believing in success takes more than a few "lucky charms" - but then again they don't hurt either.

And if all else fails - just take Journey's advice...

Step 4: Storms and Rough Water

2014 started with a lot of promise.  I was laying plans out for putting more pieces of our dream together.  Admittedly, our dreams of making a life aboard a boat in the Caribbean are missing many pieces still.  While some of those missing pieces simply take time, effort, and planning - others are not so easily acquired.  I have always been of the opinion that you can't always wait for all the pieces to be there, you have to go out and get what you can now.  In time, and with work, hopefully the rest of what's missing will be found.

We had decided I would pursue a captain's school.  A USCG Captains license is required in order to operate a boat commercially, carrying paying passengers.  After some research and creative scheduling, I was booked with local school to earn my USCG Operator of Uninspected Passenger Vessel (a basic license, otherwise known as the 6-pack because it limits the captain to 6 paying passengers).  A week before the school was scheduled to start - I got a short email saying it was canceled and my money was refunded.  No explanation.  This was a forecast of storms to come.  I was then scrambling to find another school in my area.

I soon found my only alternative was Sea School, and the schedule would require that between my normal job and captain's school, I wouldn't have a day off for a month, and my shortest day would be 12 hours.  As they say - "It is what it is".  This would be especially tough in the dead of winter which tends to be the most depressing part of the year here.

On the last week of my month long stretch of work and school, one of the best friends I will ever have in this lifetime, Zsolt Megai, fell suddenly ill.  He was diagnosed with Leukemia.  This news was like being run over by a truck, but I had faith my dear friend would fight the disease and prevail.  A week after his diagnosis, and on the last day of my month-long stretch without a break, we got the call to get to the hospital, nothing more could be done.  There was a big snowstorm that day.  Normally if there is even rain in the forecast I-95 is a parking lot.  That day I did 75mph all the way home.  It was a ghost town on the highway.  We went to the hospital to be with Zsolt in his last hours.  He wanted one more beer.  We ran through the snow laden streets of New Haven to get him that beer before his time.  In his final hours, he asked that I think of him when I'm out there on the ocean.  I promise I'll do that every time Zsolt.  A piece of me died on this day too.  It was Valentines Day.  One day when I can collect my thoughts more properly, I will write something fitting of Zsolt and what an amazing friend he was, and what a tremendous hole he left in the universe with his passing.  Zsolt and I will sail the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean together anyway, one way or another.

The following week, my brand new car's engine started violently knocking.  After less than 3000 miles, it needed a new engine and I spent the following month without it.  I spent the following weeks in a loaner car, mourning my friend, dealing with a job that was going crazy, getting buried with snow and ice on a daily basis, and attempting to steady my brain long enough to study for my captain's test.  Luckily, my ASA 104 Navigation course made the chart navigation portion of the test a breeze so I didn't need to study for that.  The test consists of four parts: Deck General, Nav General, Chart Plotting/Navigation, the infamous Nav Rules (which seems to hang everyone up).  At the end of the test, all four parts were passed, and the worst of my storms and rough water were over.  I would like to think Zsolt was looking down of me and proud of me for making it through and passing those tests.  Now only a mountain of paperwork stands between me and my captain's license, although I will need far more sea time before it is at an acceptible level for what I want to do.

I am sure this was just one stormy period of many that we will encounter on our journey towards our dreams.  The thing about storms - avoid them when and if you can, but know that when you can't it's a matter of getting through to the other side.  Easier said than done I know.